We've Got a Twitcher!

So I had a lot of fun going to the clubs last night. Only problem was that last night was a Thursday night and I had to work on Friday. That normally wouldn't be a problem if I were in bed by around 2:30am. This time however I didn't get home until after 4:00am. It didn't take me very long to talk myself into pulling an all-nighter to avoid sleeping through my alarm and waking up to a phone call from my boss. So I dropped by the convenience store and picked up a Red Bull and a 5 Hour Energy shot. I'd already had several Red Bull drinks at the clubs so I didn't want to overdo it with a giant Red Bull; the smaller one would suffice. Everything went smoothly during the wee small hours of the morning. I spent some time goofing off online mostly. A text conversation was started by a friend who had awoken to get ready for work. He suggested that I drink coffee. I normally save my coffee until the hours of 9:00am - noon but I figured it wouldn't hurt. So I made coffee AND breakfast. I hadn't had a weekday breakfast in God knows how long. It was good.

So I pull into work and chug my little 5 Hour Energy in my car. I felt kinda scuzzy, like I was smoking crack before going to work. I feel different as I sit in my area. I don't have a desk per se, I've got an area. And it quickly hits me. I'm tired. I can get thru it though. The energy shot will kick in any minute and I'll fly thru the morning. It never reveals its secrets to me. The first few hours are alright. I manage to fight off the tiredness. But once the big bossman leaves around lunchtime I fess up to my coworker, Red Bull in hand. I think this was my first (okay, second or third) mistake. By doing so I feel like I unleashed a tidal wave of weakness. Slowly I begin to dread the next few hours.

Long story short before I pass out: I decided it was time to leave when my eyeballs began to twitch. This was followed shortly by a micro dream sequence during a long blink. I'd started to nod off when I sat on the toilet but now I was nodding off in front of my computer. "Ok...just don't put your face or head on your hand or chin". Didn't work. My eyes became kinda sore and I feared that I would just crash any minute and end up asleep facedown on my keyboad. Time to go home and blog while it's still fresh.

"Que Sera, Sera"

The last few weeks have been a tidal wave of change for me. Job. Relationship. Living situation. All of the major areas of my life are currently in limbo. Normally, change scares the hell out of me but for some reason I'm not very intimidated or even concerned about what the next few months will bring. Of course, I have certain hopes but I know that whatever happens, all will work out in the end. I remember being a child and not fully comprehending or appreciating my mother's words. "Everything happens for a reason." It took me a long time to really get what that meant. But now I understand.

Maybe I just had to experience the pain of a few trials so that I could look back at them, from a relatively safe and secure place in life, and see their impermanence. Maybe that experience of looking back provides me with the awareness that I will be okay. I may not be entirely comfortable. I may not be exactly where I want to be. But I will be okay. So why should I worry about what has happened or what will happen? Why not live in the moment and enjoy the ride?