Yellow Fever

There are 97.6 million results when you google "China is going to take over the world." Good thing I'm taking Elementary Chinese in the spring semester! I've registered for my first semester as a full-time student at a major university and it's going to be a very Oriental beginning. Besides my two required classes (Computer literacy and Political Science Research) I am taking three decidedly Eastern courses: Elementary Chinese, Emerging Democracies of NE Asia, and Buddhist Traditions. It wasn't my original intent to immerse myself in Asian studies; it just happened that way. I believe the Emerging Democracies class was my first chosen course. A double major in International Affairs (Polisci prelaw & Int'l Affairs) requires an intermediate foreign language and some courses from a chosen concentration. I chose Religion as my concentration and Buddhist Tradition as my course. And with all of that already in place, Chinese seemed like the most reasonable language to learn.
I suppose it would be prudent for me to take as many Eastern related courses as possible in order to fully utilize my chosen language. I'm quite nervous about learning Chinese too. But it was exciting last night as I lay in bed, daydreaming about a part-time job in a Chinese takeout restaurant or an Asian market and a future career in a highrise building in the middle of a Chinese metropolis. The notion seemed quite romantic. I think I'm going to research some prominent and/or emerging East Asian legal fields in International law.

Deer in my dreams

I posted awhile back on witnessing a deer shortly after being injured by a passing vehicle. It was tragic. The other night I had a somewhat similar incident in my dreams. Well, I say 'similar' when in fact the only things they share are a deer and death. The other night I had a dream that I was in the wilderness and I was forced to feed myself. I suppose I was sick of gathering berries and whatnot so I planned on some game hunting. Some very shallow trenches were dug and a trap set in the bottom of each. The trap mechanism was similar to that of a bear trap only on a smaller, less-intensely-bone-crunching scale. And then I just sat there and waited. Everything was perfectly still for who knows how long when a single deer came wandering in. I remember getting excited, hoping the deer would step on the trap, and of course he did. And then I wrestled the deer down and broke his neck. Just like that. That's kind of where the dream ends, thankfully. The last thing I would have wanted was an even more graphic dream of skinning and gutting the deer. Or maybe I would've just ripped into it's flesh as if it were a turkey leg at the carnival.

Speaking of eating raw meat...I saw a show on TV not too long ago about a guy that regularly purchased meat from the grocery store and just ate it. Raw steaks and even ground fucking beef. Honestly, the idea is slightly intriguing except for the ground beef part. I've had steak tartar, I love sushi, and I always order my steaks bloody rare. One time, while dining and an expensive and reputable restaurant, I ordered a rare 22 oz porterhouse. It wasn't my best decision but it was certainly an experience.

So back to my swiftly snapping a deer's neck in my dreams. Dream interpretation has always fascinated me so why not analyze this dream right now and see what it means? I won't be using one source for my interpretation. Instead, I'll find the best (or most interesting) meanings that fit with my current situation since dreams are supposed to be subconcious reflections on our waking life.

• Deer: grace, compassion, gentleness, innocence, meekness, the feminine
• Killing a deer: mastery over instincts I've struggled to control
• Catching an animal in a trap: I will be successful in his/her chosen career

Hmm, very interesting...not sure exactly what to make of it. Maybe I need to man up and not be so compassionate. Or maybe I should remain meek and graceful until I'm "successful in my chosen career" and then I should break my meekness's neck and turn into a real douchebag. Or maybe I should master my feminine side. I've grown out my beard again. That counts for something, right? And I did just work out the night before I had that dream after a nearly month long hiatus (broken rib). So maybe all that extra adrenaline and stuff pushed me into caveman mode.

Post-Master Cleanse Update

So it's been about a week since I stopped the Master Cleanse and resumed eating normal foods. Overall, I would characterize my eating habits and healthier and more restrained than they were before the cleanse. If I were to make a quick walk to my local health food store part of my routine (maybe every third day or something), I could easily keep it up. The healthy pizza I made wasn't very good. I don't regret making it but I'm not going to eat the rest of it...such a waste. And it's become a bit easier for me to say "no" to certain foods, although I had a Ferro Rocher today at work. I have resumed drinking coffee, but I've been using a stevia sweetener and/or whatever cancer-causing-imitation sugar is available and I haven't been drinking it so impulsively. If I ask myself "another cup or not another cup?" I consider myself done for the day.

On a related note, I intend to stop at a convenience store on the way home from work today and purchase an ice cold can of Coca-Cola. I've been a bit under the weather the past few days, which was certainly caused by my failure to replenish my guy flora combined with my making kissy-face with someone at a dance club on Saturday night, and nothing sounds better than a soothing, refreshing flow of dark, tingly Coke caressing my sore, tired throat. I'm definitely going to do it. But I'll be sure to hit the gym this weekend if I'm still not feeling sick. I actually haven't gained back any of the weight that I lost (which was about 12 pounds or so) and I feel really good about that. I have yet to indulge in any fast food yet but I'm sure I will soon. We'll see.

Master Cleanse - East Out Day 2

So I've been easing out faster than recommended. While making today's broth last night, I had to test some of the vegetables to be sure they were cooked all the way and in the process I ended up eating one small chunk of potato and one small piece of turnip. I also snagged a small slice of cooked celery. Not having a recipe for the broth, I simply bought a ton of veggies and covered them with water and simmered. I tasted the broth this morning and even though I boiled it down considerably it was still very bland. I'm not going to drink any of it. What a waste. Hopefully the vegetables that I cooked and saved won't be horrible. Maybe I'll cook some rice tomorrow and have them over rice.

So after deciding that I didn't want my broth I drove to a Starbucks across town and had an herbal tea (still no sweeteners added, not sure when I'll feel free to add any). After an hour or so I wandered around a few stores and then made my way home. But not before stopping for a broth replacement. There was a local Indian takeout place that I'd always been curious about so I ended up with a bowl of sweet and sour dal. It was very good and the lentils were quite filling considering that I hadn't eaten in a full week. But I also just ate a pear a few minutes ago. I'll probably walk to a nearby bookstore that serves healthy hippy food and grab another soup for dinner or something. But I've got a bunch of fresh veggies to eat as well. It's exciting.

So I guess at this point I'm really back to eating. I'm not going to limit myself to fresh or living foods but I certainly won't be going out for burger or anything soon. Sushi sounds great though. I'm sure I'll have sushi this week.

Master Cleanse - Ease Out Day 1

One of my exes would water down most juices or fruit flavored drinks before drinking them. The idea seemed ludicrous to me. It was nowhere near as tasty. But I'm currently sipping on a large glass full of watered down OJ (about 50/50) and it is so so good! Should I just continue to water down all my fruity drinks for the foreseeable future? I can't imagine why not. I'll take in less sugar (albeit natural) which might help me from getting all DJ Kool ("Let me clear my throat", the 90's hip-hop song) and it'll allow me to get more for my money. Sounds like a win-win, right?

Well, this OJ seems like it might still be a little acidic, even after watering it down. I didn't have another lemonade after leaving work yesterday, just a large glass of lemon water, some regular water, and a Ginger Plum iced tea (delicious!). I skipped last night's laxative tea as well. Fuck it. I'm done with that shit. I went to the grocery store yesterday after work and bought about $25 worth of fruits and veggies and today's OJ. It felt so good and I could just imagine savoring the raw bell pepper and the cucumber and the honeydew and the broccoli. I don't even remember all the stuff I bought. Tonight I will be making my broth for tomorrow. There were several different recipes online for simple broths so after browsing a few I made up my mind to just wing it. I'm not really good at improvising while cooking, in fact, I'm horrible at it. But I imagine a few potatoes, some carrots, celery, parsley, garlic and a red onion will taste just fine, if not stupendous.

Master Cleanse - Day 6 (final day)

So I've already had 2 glasses this morning (actually, a double glass) and I've got another double glass in front of me. The jar of maple syrup was getting lighter but I didn't want any surprises so I measured the remainder in order to know for sure when this clenase will be over. After this glass, I will have 3 more glasses left. So I'll finish it today before I head to work. I'll just have lemon water and herbal tea for the rest of the day and another laxative tea tonight. Maybe a salt water flush, if I'm feeling guilty later. But I'm glad this will be over. Honestly, it wasn't really difficult for me overall. The timing is just right, if I make today my last day. Plus, $30 maple syrup is simply ridiculous.

I went to the gym yesterday and burned 200 calories on the treadmill, which isn't a lot for me but since my intake is around 600-800 it seemed like a good place to stop. Plus I forgot my headphones so it got boring rather quickly.

I will be purchasing a nice big carton of OJ after work to indulge in tomorrow (extra pulp) and a bottle of probiotics to help replenish my gut flora. I'll begin taking my multi-vitamin again, as well. The 2nd post-cleanse day calls for broths and soups and juices so I suppose I'll pick some of that stuff up at the store too. I just have to be sure to watch the sodium/sugar contents if I buy prepackages stuff. Homemade broths will certainly feel better and will probably be healthier so I suppose I'll look up some recipes while I'm hunting for the perfect healthy pizza recipe. I'll be celebrating my return to solid foods with a made-from-scratch pizza on Sunday night (even though Sunday is supposed to be "live food only" day). I'm really going to try to keep up with more responsible eating habits. I'm not a spring chicken anymore and I can't get away with eating whatever I want. I had to have some dental work done this morning (my face is still numb) because I'm a sugar-holic. But after going a week without any coffee, I feel like I could just not drink coffee anymore. That would cut my sugar intake drastically. It's amazing. I've tried to quit drinking coffee before or at least cut back and it was very difficult.

Master Cleanse - Day 5

So I decided yesterday that I would end the cleanse once all the maple syrup is finished rather than purchase another $30 bottle. Well it turns out that I'm only about halfway through the bottle. I have also only been doing close to the minimum number of suggested drinks per day. Around 6-8 seems to be enough for me. I'm not plagued by tiredness or any sick feelings and I haven't really had much in the way of obvious toxin purges either. Some people on the cleanse complain of smelling bad, getting a fever or crazy headaches, sore throats, or "expelling" lots of nastiness after the laxative tea and salt water flushes. But I only had a headache on Day 3 because I wasn't allowed to have my normal pot of coffee in the morning! No other symptoms really. I mean, I certainly "expel" stuff after the tea and salt water but I'm not inspecting it for mucus or worms or anything...that's gross. But that's some of the stuff that I read about on other Master Cleanse blogs.

I thought about going to the gym yesterday for some like cardio but I decided against it. I think I might go today after work. I got a lot of stuff done yesterday evening so I can get away with a little treadmill time. It's not like I'm short on energy or anything. I'm really looking forward to actually working out again too. It's been quite awhile for me. I took a few months off out of pure laziness and I've only been doing cardio for the last month or so. But one of my good friends just took 1st in his class at a local bodybuilding championship (WAY TO GO MAN!) and it makes me want to get back into the swing of things with a serious routine. I guess I need to pull out my workout cards from the gym, if I haven't thrown them away yet, and set up a good routine. My Men's Health workout book has everything I need to get started but I just haven't put in the time or effort.

FYI...this is what I'm drinking...

Master Cleanse - Day 4

Today is not nearly as bad as yesterday. In fact, it's pretty good. I'm making the lemonade fresh this time and it's much, much more tart than the batch I made. It just tastes all around better. I still haven't done the salt water flush but I'm probably going to tonight.

I have been craving lots of unhealthy food though. Coffee hardly crossed my mind this morning but my I don't want to let go of food. Pizza, chicken wings, Zaxby's chicken with Texas toast and french fries, corn dogs (that one just came to me), hamburgers. If you don't think there are too many food commercials on TV or the radio, stop eating food for a few days. Food is everywhere. Yesterday I started thinking about what I was going to eat when I finished the cleanse. There is an "ease out" period of three days to get your body used to food again. The first day consists of fresh squeezed OJ, the second of various juices and broths, and the third is all living food. My plan is to just finish the bottle of maple syrup that I bought and when that's gone, I'm done. I don't feel like spending another $30 on a bottle of maple syrup. I could buy an assload of vegetables for that price. So once the syrup is gone I will do one day of juices and broths and then the next day I'll do the living food thing. I'm not sure if that means you can't cook them but I prefer almost all of my vegetables raw anyway. For the last several days I've been thinking about sucking on a carrot at work since I've got a giant bag of baby carrots in the fridge. Oh goodness, I think it's time for another lemonade.

Hopefully by the time I'm ready for real food I won't want to eat a whole meat lovers pizza. It's probably safe to say that I can avoid soda easily. Excess sugar may not even be too hard to cut out but I'm a bit worried about fats. But I did sign up for a 3 year subscription to Vegetarian Times magazine last night. While on a coffee date last night (I had herbal tea) some random guy approached our table outside and began his pitch. He was from South Chicago and lived a life of crime and drugs but was now at the worker release center of our local jail. He was selling magazine subscriptions as a way to make money to provide for his daughters and to make a better life for himself. I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff so both me and my date purchased a subscription. I may be a diehard meat lover but I also like vegetarian food and I figured this would be a good way to promote better eating habits. We'll see.

Master Cleanse - Day 3 (pt 2)

Okay, so I was doing some reading today and I think I'm going to change it up starting tomorrow. Originally, I had figured that the mix that I made on Day 1 would only last me about a day. Well, it's Day 3 and I'm still working on it. I read somewhere that mixing it one day at a time was alright but I've also read that it should be made fresh for each glass so that the enzymes in the lemon juice don't go bad or die or deenzymate themselves. I'm not a scientist, I have no idea what happens but fresher is usually better no matter what the situation is. So I think I'm going to try that starting tomorrow. I'm also going to reluctantly begin the salt water flush. That consists of chugging a giant glass of salt water (sea salt) and letting it "flush" your system. If you (or your dog) have ever swallowed a bunch of ocean water, you know what happens. Sounds like alot of fun, right? The laxative herbal tea isn't so bad but I've done a salt water flush before and it sucks. But if I'm going to do this for 10 days, I might as well do exactly what is prescribed.

Master Cleanse - Day 3

Ok....it's venting time. I've been at work for just over an hour and ALL I WANT IS COFFEE! I'm not even hungry, I don't care about the celery and carrots in the fridge or the frozen lunches or the crackers or the honey roasted peanuts. All I want is my coffee! I knew it would be difficult at work because I have this routine. I drink coffee until lunchtime. At least 2 cups and lately it's been just about a whole pot. And now I can't have any. My nasty-ass lemonade mixture is no substitute for the warm, creamy goodness that is my coffee. I'm so tired and irritable, I just want to go home and be tired and irritable there. I feel like bitching out anyone that talks to me. And my arms are sore from sleeping on them wrong. Ugh.

But at least I'll drink plenty of water today. I haven't been drinking as much as I probably should be. But I tend to drink more water at work anyway. And I'll probably have a nice herbal decaf tea sometime today. I'm allowed to cheat on herbal teas and so far the two mint teas that I've had have been stellar. Maybe I'll have one soon and I'll just pretend it's coffee. Or I'll pretend I'm British and I don't drink coffee.

Master Cleanse - Day 2

This shit is nasty. And even though I'm not really hungry (it certainly doesn't feel like I haven't eaten in two days), food commercials are driving me crazy.

Master Cleanse - Day 1

So far so good. I took my laxative tea last night and went to bed rather late. Woke up, did my thing, and began prepping my juice for the day. I bought a 2lb bag of lemons and juiced the entire thing. I then added an equal part of the Grade B Maple Syrup (which, by the way, is NOT cheap...I'm going to end up using 3 bottles of that syrup if I'm doing the math right). According to the plan, these 3.5 cups should be enough for today. It seems like alot though, being that I only put 4 tbsp into each 8 oz glass of water. We'll see.

Master Cleanse - Day 0

Okay, so I had to visit family last night and wasn't able to get to the store until late. The only places open didn't have laxative tea or cayenne pepper. But I've got my lemons and maple syrup so I will start on Saturday after I acquire the remaining ingredients. I'm kinda nervous at the point because I already have a headache from the amount of caffeine I drink (a lot). I can't imagine how they're going to be during a fast. I'm also wondering about my coffee date on Monday; I guess I'll just take my lemonade with me and explain my penchant for absurdity. At least I'm charming. That should save the day. But how charming will I be after 3 days of shitting my brains out on a diet of lemonade and laxatives?! Hahahaha.....I hope I'm ready for this.

So, of course, this Master Cleanse is considered by most to be a fad or a crash diet. But I'm hoping that I'll come out of it with a healthier appetite. I definately won't be able to indulge in my regular fare immediately upon ending the cleanse. I'll have to ease myself off of it with juices and broths for a day or two and then follow that up with some veggies and the like afterwards. I don't want to become a vegetarian although I certainly respect a person's choice to not eat meat. I just love meat too much (particularly pork, in case you were wondering). But I would like to eat a healthier and more balanced diet. Less dairy, I'm sure would be helpful. And less sugar. One of these two, I believe, is the culprit behind my constant throat-clearing. I'm sure it's annoying for those around me as well.

Until tomorrow....

I'm Baaaaaack!!!

I'm really good at neglecting things. That's why I love succulents so much. They actually want to be neglected. They thrive on neglect. Blogs, apparently, do not. So now I just need some sort of gimmick to grab everyone's attention.

Q: Hmmm.....what would Beyonce do in this situation?

A: The Master Cleanse Detox Diet (aka The Lemonade Diet)

Several years ago Beyonce went on Oprah to share her success with this particular diet and caused quite a storm. I'm not Beyonce and this isn't Oprah but hey, it's somethin'. So tomorrow evening I will begin my 10-Day Master Cleanse Detox Diet, documenting my progress each day. Shit...now I actually have to do it. The last time I tried this I made it about 10 hours before succumbing to pizza. I think I ate nearly the whole thing myself. And it was really good if I recall correctly. Most likely Hungry Howie's but it could've been Five Star. Regardless, this time I will succeed! And here is how I will do it:

2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
2 Tbsp Grade B Maple Syrup (not the fake stuff)
.5 tsp Cayenne Pepper
8 oz Water

Mix and enjoy at least six times a day. And a nightly laxative. And an optional salt water flush. What could go wrong?! I'll flush my body of all the toxins that have built up as a result of the meaty goodness and fatty, processed foods that I consume on a more-than-regular basis. And I'll lose a few pounds in the process. And hopefully I'll end up with healthier eating habits. Last night I had a giant beef burrito from Tijuana Flats. It's 10am and I literally am still full. I was painfully full last night. I'm not always a healthy eater.

Maybe this is some sort of twisted penance for my gluttony disguised as a health-conscious stunt. But at least it'll be entertaining, right?