I'm Baaaaaack!!!

I'm really good at neglecting things. That's why I love succulents so much. They actually want to be neglected. They thrive on neglect. Blogs, apparently, do not. So now I just need some sort of gimmick to grab everyone's attention.

Q: Hmmm.....what would Beyonce do in this situation?

A: The Master Cleanse Detox Diet (aka The Lemonade Diet)

Several years ago Beyonce went on Oprah to share her success with this particular diet and caused quite a storm. I'm not Beyonce and this isn't Oprah but hey, it's somethin'. So tomorrow evening I will begin my 10-Day Master Cleanse Detox Diet, documenting my progress each day. Shit...now I actually have to do it. The last time I tried this I made it about 10 hours before succumbing to pizza. I think I ate nearly the whole thing myself. And it was really good if I recall correctly. Most likely Hungry Howie's but it could've been Five Star. Regardless, this time I will succeed! And here is how I will do it:

2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
2 Tbsp Grade B Maple Syrup (not the fake stuff)
.5 tsp Cayenne Pepper
8 oz Water

Mix and enjoy at least six times a day. And a nightly laxative. And an optional salt water flush. What could go wrong?! I'll flush my body of all the toxins that have built up as a result of the meaty goodness and fatty, processed foods that I consume on a more-than-regular basis. And I'll lose a few pounds in the process. And hopefully I'll end up with healthier eating habits. Last night I had a giant beef burrito from Tijuana Flats. It's 10am and I literally am still full. I was painfully full last night. I'm not always a healthy eater.

Maybe this is some sort of twisted penance for my gluttony disguised as a health-conscious stunt. But at least it'll be entertaining, right?